L'impossible retour

Amélie Nothomb

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Dear Pat Cooper: What happened to my father Pasquale Caputo?

Dear Pat Cooper is a story about my loving family and my absent father. In his absence, I heard memorable stories from my paternal grandmother about that man I relentlessly searched for but would never find. Instead, she taught me how to turn my anger towards my father into love and forgiveness. This book is my last attempt to get my father's attention, to finally share with him the beautiful and lasting memories he missed out on by not being around. And lastly, make him realize and know the impact his mother had on my life, how she picked up his slack, and the lessons she bestowed upon me.

I had always wanted to write a book about my father and me as far back as I can remember. At first, I wanted to write about how much I hated him for not caring about my sister and me, but deep down, all I wanted was an opportunity to tell him how much I loved him and missed him being in my life. I tried my best to tell my father that, but he never heard me. Instead, every time we met, he found fault with my clothes, my manners, and always the rest of the family. These attacks became part of his persona and a way of not getting too close to me or anyone else in our family. He hated us with every fiber of his being, and I could never understand why.

What did any of us do to make my father keep away from the whole family and go find himself a new one? It never failed; no matter how many times I tried to connect with my father, Pasquale Caputo, all I ever got from him was Pat Cooper, the angry comedian.

My journey hasn't been an easy one, and the pain never goes away. However, my main purpose for writing this memoir is to help others who have gone through a similar heartache. If my story can help at least one person or child who has had an ego-driven, emotionally unavailable parent, then my purpose has been achieved.

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