Vous parler de mon fils

Philippe Besson

Description

Doing Without

Vol. 1 of a multi-part series: "Doing Without"

Everyone has had times in their life when a combination of factors lowered expectations, made plans no longer workable, and falsely convinced us that "Doing Without" would become a future way of life.

An additional emotional layer

But it is more difficult for those who have an additional layer which tends to infuse problems with emotions and intensify a sense of loss. This emotional layer causes them to focus more on anticipating, or withdrawing from problems, because this layer was created by a frightened child during a long vulnerable time of "Doing Without". Their childhood had other factors affecting their ability to deal with problems, and these factors allowed them few ways to make sense of their life, or get the confidence to reach conclusions on what to do about it.

Some are aware, some are not aware

For this summary, let's label "Doing Without", as 'DW time', to represent a very early time of alienation and withdrawal.

Adults whose length of 'DW time' was short, were aware when they were "Doing Without" as a child, and so problems of the past are more clear, and the emotional layer is less painful.

Adults whose length of 'DW time' was long, may not be aware they were "Doing Without" as a child, because it was 'normal'.

You don't 'get over' normal

When "Doing Without" (or anything else) is 'normal', you don't 'get over it'. If speaking French was normal as a child, you don't simply 'get over French' to communicate in a new country. You must be taught, so you can individually work to learn a new language. The purpose of this "Doing Without" series then, is to start to learn the language of a new 'normal'.

'Self-taught resilience'

This book, and the series it is part of, does not primarily address problems of today, but, for those who have a backlog of the past in the present, it has everything to do with today. Because the neglect of "Doing Without" is founded on false paradigms of 'truth' (I call 'self-taught resilience'), it is these beliefs that are central to solving the problem of making a better life.

Today, memory may not be clear, and emotions may be painful or 'walled off', but the long path of change from "Doing Without", to understanding the past, can change many aspects of the spheres and 'ARCs' of your life, for the better.

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